Fawning - A Trauma Response
When we talk about trauma, most people immediately picture the event itself: a car accident, a sudden loss, an assault, or a major betrayal. But what I’ve seen time and again in my work as a licensed mental health professional is that the true imprint of trauma often shows up in what we call the body’s survival responses.
The most misunderstood of these is the “fawning” response.
Fawning is not about being agreeable or polite, as people assume on the surface. It’s about SURVIVAL. When a person has learned, often very young, that safety comes from appeasing others, their nervous system encodes a strategy: stay small, stay pleasing, keep others comfortable, and maybe you’ll be safe. It can show up in over-apologizing, difficulty setting boundaries, or even losing track of one’s own needs because the focus has shifted so completely to others. While fight, flight, and freeze responses are better known, fawning often hides in plain sight, because it can look like kindness or compliance from the outside. Inside, though, it often feels like panic.
What makes this so painful is that this isn’t a conscious choice. The nervous system isn’t asking, “What would I like to do here?” It’s acting automatically, as if the stakes are still life or death, even in situations that are no longer dangerous. This is the essence of trauma: the body and mind are stuck in the past, looping survival strategies that once made sense but now keep people trapped in cycles of exhaustion, resentment, and disconnection.
The hopeful part is that our brains and bodies are not fixed in these patterns. Approaches like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) have shown remarkable results in helping people release the grip of these trauma responses. EMDR works by engaging both sides of the brain through bilateral stimulation—often eye movements, tapping, or tones—while revisiting fragments of past experiences. This process helps the nervous system refile memories, shifting them from something that feels threatening and raw into something that can be acknowledged without relived distress.
I’ve witnessed people who felt like they could never say “no” without shame or panic begin to speak up for themselves. Others discover that their body no longer jumps to appease at the first sign of conflict. What changes is not just behavior but the deep, internal sense of safety. It’s not about “trying harder” to stop fawning—it’s about resolving the unfinished business in the nervous system so the person no longer has to.
For anyone who recognizes themselves in this description—who feels like they’ve been living their life as a mirror for others rather than as their own reflection—please know this: what you are doing is not weakness, and it is not who you truly are. It is what your body once needed to survive.
Healing does not mean erasing your compassion or your kindness. It means giving yourself back the freedom to choose, to set limits, and to know that your needs are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Trauma Is Stubborn, but It Is Not Permanent. Start Trauma Treatment in Palm Beach County, FL
With the right tools and support, it is possible to quiet the nervous system, release old survival strategies, and learn what it feels like to be safe enough to live authentically. You can start your therapy journey with Mangrove Therapy Group by following these steps:
- Contact Mangrove Therapy Group
- Meet with a caring, skilled therapist
- Start finding trust in yourself again!
Other Services Offered with Mangrove Therapy Group
Trauma therapy is just one piece of the healing puzzle, and our therapists are trained to support you through so much more. Our Delray Beach, FL office also offers care for:
- EMDR therapy, PTSD, and Complex PTSD
- Substance use and process addictions
- Eating disorders and body image concerns
- Grief, loss, anxiety, depression, and self-esteem challenges
- Anger, shame, and emotional dysregulation
- “Failure to Launch” issues and life transitions
- CBT and DBT-based support
If you’re ready, we’re here. You can learn more from our blog or FAQs page today!