When the Holidays Trigger Old Wounds

For many people, the holidays are supposed to feel comforting when people can enjoy things like family, connection, celebration, and food. Yet for others, the season brings a quiet dread. No matter how much therapy we’ve done or how well we manage stress in daily life, being around family can pull us back into old versions of ourselves when we least expect it. An all-too-familiar comment, a disapproving glance, or even some silence at the dinner table can leave us feeling suddenly small, unseen, or defensive. And often, we don’t understand why!

I think it’s important to recognize that what’s happening in those moments isn’t weakness or oversensitivity. It actually boils down to memory. The body and mind hold emotional, psychological, and even physiological imprints from our earlier experiences, which were sometimes upsetting or even traumatic. When we return to family environments, those early maps can get activated.

The Wounds Beneath the Surface

Yes, some “holiday stress” centers around logistics such as travel, cooking, and all the endless planning. But what truly drains many of us is the internal stuff. I’m talking about the emotional residue that gets leftover from these triggering situations whether they be subtle slights, unfinished conversations, unspoken expectations, or even the quiet pressure to play the same role we’ve always played.

But these aren’t just “triggers.” They’re often actually reminders of old emotional realities of growing up in harsh environments or conditions. Family has a way of drawing out the parts of us we thought we’d outgrown and left behind, and then all of a sudden, those same feelings and emotions come rushing to the surface, catching us off guard! And it’s not because we’ve failed to grow and move forward in our lives. It’s often because we just have some unresolved experiences still active in our minds that need to be addressed.

How EMDR Helps Us Heal Old Family Patterns

The common advice this time of year is to set boundaries and cope with triggers. And while boundaries are essential, coping is only part of the picture. It helps us get through, but it doesn’t address the root of the issue.

EMDR therapy offers a framework for understanding and finally addressing these emotional reactivations through the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model. According to AIP, our brains naturally move toward healing; that is, unless something overwhelming blocks that process. When that happens, the unprocessed material stays “stuck” and held in the nervous system as if the threat or pain is still happening.

So when you’re back at the family table and suddenly feel that old tightness in your chest or the urge to withdraw, it’s your body remembering.

EMDR doesn’t simply teach coping strategies; it helps the nervous system resolve those stuck experiences at their source. By reprocessing those old emotional memories, clients can begin to move past these patterns and no longer get triggered.

Integration: Showing Up Differently

Doing Family-of-Origin work in therapy doesn’t promise a perfectly peaceful holiday. Families are complex systems, and not all relationships will transform at the same pace. But what can change is your internal experience.

BUT - you may start to notice the old emotional pull without being swept into it. You might pause before reacting. You may have more compassion for the younger part of you that still longs for safety or approval, but likely won’t get it. You may be able to speak up for yourself and set boundaries where you weren’t able to before. And from there you can make choices that align with who you are now, not who you had to be then.

A Different Kind of Holiday Work

This season, you don’t have to focus on perfect boundaries or flawless composure. The deeper work might be simply to notice what arises — to see which part of you still feels young, unseen, or protective — and to meet it with the gentleness it never received. Then you can come back to the therapy space and work on the root causes of these issues with a trauma-informed approach such as EMDR.

Start Trauma Treatment in Palm Beach County, FL

If the holidays bring up old wounds or emotional triggers, you don’t have to face them alone. Our team offers support to help you heal from the past and find peace in the present. Reach out to Mangrove Therapy Group and begin creating new patterns that support your emotional well-being. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

1. Contact Mangrove Therapy Group 

2. Meet with a caring therapist 

3. Start overcoming old wounds! 

Other Services Offered with Mangrove Therapy Group

Trauma therapy is just one piece of the healing puzzle, and our therapists are trained to support you through so much more. Our Delray Beach, FL office, also offers care for:

• EMDR intensives, EMDR, PTSD, and Complex PTSD
• Substance use and process addictions
• Eating disorders and body image concerns
• Grief, loss, anxiety, depression, and self-esteem challenges
• Anger, shame, emotional dysregulation
• “Failure to Launch” issues and life transitions
• CBT and DBT-based support

If you’re ready, we’re here. Let’s help you build a life where your nervous system doesn’t have to brace for impact—and where love starts to feel like a soft place to land. You can learn more from our blog or FAQs page.